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Gotta Protect the McNuggets



"Where are we off to now Ting? "  I said.


"Glendale Heights." He replied, still looking down at his clipboard. "We have a townhouse there so it shouldn't be that bad." He said again finishing up his work. "Ok, let's go."


I drove off, thinking of how good of a day it's been. I love quick days, especially as a Rodman, not to mention that I  was only 24 years old at the time. The sooner we could finish off the day, the sooner I could get to the bar next to the office.

We pull up to the job site and I was happy to see it was a typical townhouse. A townhouse is basically one big building with multiple houses attached to each other. Townhouses were my favorite type of site at that time. If they didn't have fences, which in the area we were in, usually didn't, it would only require minimal work. Most times, they were a draw and measure. After Ting, my Chief,  would finish drawing the building,  all that would be left to do is measure all the walls around It.


"We're there" I said as I pulled up to the property.


"I'm going to get started drawing the front. Let the owner know we're here" said my Chief, getting out of the Escort. I remember that wagon well. It was little, silver and just a very  crappy work vehicle and if I remember correctly,  Ting and I will get into an accident in a couple months that will put that car out of its misery.  


"We'll measure as I draw" said Ting as he began his work.


"10-4" I replied with a smile and walked up to the 4th unit of the townhouse and rang the doorbell.


A young man, probably in his late twenties quickly appeared at the door.


"Hi. Can I help you with something?" He said from behind the glass door.  


"Hi, I'm from Preferred Survey.  We're here to do the survey for the sale." I said as I always do when first speaking to a client. "Everything is done through the outside, sir. We'll be measuring the entire building. We won't have to go in for any reason." I finished.


"Oh okay, cool." Said the man with a friendly smile. "Thanks" He said again as he closed his door.

I met up with my Crew Chief who was now a little ahead of me on his drawing. I was pretty fast with measuring so I knew I would catch up with him quickly. "Man, what a nice day man." I said, reciting numbers as Ting wrote them in their proper spots on his drawing. It really was a nice day. I remember It well. Late spring and the weather was finally pleasant.  A couple clouds were in the sky but mostly sunny.  "Yeah, glad the winter is gone." Responded Ting as we reached the front of the end unit and began measuring the side of the building.


There wasn't too many Chiefs I worked for that I actually enjoyed working with, Ting was one of the ones I did. He was a Filipino man, about ten years older than I was and around my height, which is 5'10". He had recently been given the go ahead to begin training me to become a chief, a step I decided to take because I would soon ask my girlfriend to marry me....She would say yes by the way.  Needless to say, things were going good for me.


"This is going to be a good year bro." I said. I read him the measurement on the last wall to the side of the building.




Was all I heard and was immediately stunned as I turned the corner. An older woman maybe in her 40s was sitting in a lawn chair on her patio about twenty feet from me, but that isn't what caught my attention and paralyzed me instantly. It wasn't what seemed to slow down time for me, allowing my brain to notice the entire occurrence without letting my body react to what followed.   No. It was the rope. The rope  that was quickly extending from the foot of her lawn chair. A rope that I would soon realize was a leash. A blue leash. A leash that was quickly tightening. A leash that I began to see was attached to an animal. A dog. A Black Labrador to be exact. A Black Labrador that was running towards me. I saw his face and knew it was barking though I could not hear the hounds roar. As it approached me I saw it's snout open wide and could see its glistening, sharp teeth shine in the sun. I could see the drool dripping from its mouth as it prepared to feast on Its prey.


"Buddah move!" I suddenly heard  come from my boss calling me by my nickname, my eyes still fixated on the fate that was a millisecond from meeting me. The dog slammed it's mouth shut and my body shook. I looked down to view the damage. Again I saw the leash, fully extended. The owner had grabbed and pulled on it just an inch away from my body. I exhaled and just as a smile of relief came to my face, the dog reached, opened its mouth and slammed it shut and just as quickly opened It again as the owner tugged hard on the leash, pulling the beast away. The smile that had began to form was gone.


"FUCK!" I shouted, as I turned my body. "Son of a bitch!" I shouted again. Rage.  Rage filled my body. Rage and pain. I reached for my measuring tape that was hooked to my jeans. I took it in my hands and threw it at the monster that had injured me  but I missed. "Damn it" I shouted jumping into the air. Quickly, Cujos owner grabbed it and took it inside the home without offering so much as an apology


"Holy shit" Ting exclaimed with a laugh. He quickly walked over to me. "Holy shit man, did that dog bite you?!" He said continuing to laugh.


"Yep. That fucking dog bit me."


"Where?" Ting asked, looking for the wound. "Are you bleeding?"


"It got my left one man."  I said reaching into my pants. "I'm bleeding." I said again starting to walk towards the front of the building.


"Are you serious?” He laughed. “ Where are you going, are you alright?" he said again, unable to hide his amusement.


“ I need to see how bad it is man. I’m going to ask the guy if I can use his bathroom.”


As I approached the door I imagined the severity of the damage that was done to my most precious of body parts.


The man approaches the door again. “Hi. Would it be ok if I use your restroom?” I asked “ I got bit by the dog in the end unit and I need to see how bad the bite is” I said, hoping he would not ask where the wound was.


“Oh my God. That’s horrible. Yes, of course. Come in. Where did he bite you?” “Damn.” I thought. Oh well. Things couldn’t get more embarrassing anyways so I pointed at my crotch.


“ Oh.” The man said with a noticeable grimace on his face. I excused myself into his bathroom and braced myself for the worst.  


After a couple of minutes I exited the restroom. The man of the house was on his porch speaking to Ting.


“Everything ok?” Ting asked with a smile on his face.


“Yeah. They’re still there but I’m bleeding. I think I’m going to have to go to the hospital to get it checked out.” I said. Of course, Ting Laughed.


“Should we call an ambulance for you?” The man asked.


“No, my chief can drive me.” I said with a smart ass look on my face. “Let’s go man.” I said. I walked right to the car without saying a word and sat down. Ting followed and sat down in the drivers seat. He turned and looked at me and laughed. I looked at him and then the Nokia, two way radio each chief had and communicated to each other with. Back before the recession hit in 2008, PSI, the company I worked for had ten crews of two people each. Most of the guys were under 30, two of which included my best friend and my oldest brother. “Ting. Don’t fucking tell anybody but Joe and Pat.” I said, only wanting our bosses to know the situation. “Now take me to the hospital to get my balls looked at.” I said.


I wish I could say everything went smoothly at the hospital. I wish I could say that. I get there and go to the front counter where I explained to the ladies the situation. After suffering through their phony looks of empathetic distress but noticing in their eyes the sure riot of laughter going on in their heads, I was escorted into the examination room.


Nurse #1 walks in and asks me a couple questions about my wounds. “Oh.” she said after I explained the situation.  “Um. Well….is it bleeding?” She asked to which I replied that it was. “Okay. well. let’s take a look.” She said again, putting on latex gloves.  So I dropped my pants and showed her my balls. She looked at them and shuffled them around a bit looking at the damage. “Well, it doesn’t look like much” She said...“The bite. The bite doesn’t look bad.” She said again after she no doubt noticed the look on my face from her first analysis. We’re going to have to clean out the wound though.” She told me and then she left the room. So there I sat in my boxers. I could not help but laugh to myself about everything. I am by no means unaccustomed to getting amusement from making people feel uncomfortable so at least I was getting some kind of entertainment out of it and more was coming.


Enter nurse #2. “Okay sir, so we’re just going to clean you up so we can get you patched up. Where’s the wound?” She asked.  So again, I dropped my pants to reveal my boys. “Oh.” she said. “Ok.” She took a bowl of warm water and swabs to remove the dried blood from the wound. Of  course one can imagine the only phrase that was repeating in my head while this action was being done. “Okay. The doctor will be in shortly to take a look and we’ll

get you patched up.” She said with a smile then left the room. “ What are the chances the doctor is female?” I thought to myself. A couple minutes went by and the doctor walked in. “ Hello Mr. Torres.” he said. “ Talk about bad luck huh?” he quipped. He examined the wound and told me I was lucky and that other than some skin being taken off, there was no permanent damage. “ Someone will be in to get you patched up and you can leave.” He said then walked out.  Again, I started to get amusement at the thought of the possibility of a third nurse doing the patch work.  


Enter Nurse #3. “ Mr. Torres? Hi, I am here to get you patched up so you can go.” She said unmistakably looking for the wound. For the fourth time my boxers went down and my guys said hello. She patched me up and walked out of the room. As I got dressed again, I could not stop myself from laughing and the entertainment I at least was able to get from the experience. It was easier after realizing the gentlemen were going to be okay.


"Mr. Torres." The Dr says as he walks back in. "Before you leave we're going to give you a rabies shot just to be on the safe side" He said. My entertainment was gone.


"Ting. I don't want anybody to know about this." I told my Chief as we pulled into the office parking lot. "Seriously man. These guy will never let something like that go." I pleaded again.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anybody." Ting said.

I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief that this memorable experience was finally over. I walked into the meeting room to clock out. As I walked in I noticed a drawing on the chalkboard. A stick figure of a man with a stick figure dog attached to the the crotch and a bubble over the head with the words "ouch my balls" inside it.


I turned to look at my Crew Chief. "I hate you Ting." I told him.


He laughed. Hard……


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