So after I surveyed the "witches lair", I decided that since I was already up North, I might as well stay out and get another job done that was right around the corner. We pull up to the job and are happy it looks simple. When I was about 10 minutes from finishing, Eric and I notice a couple walking their dogs across the street and kid to each other about how they need to get control of their dogs who were running around and fighting on other people's yards.

As I'm finishing, a little old lady comes out of the house next door to put out her sprinkler. We exchange pleasantries and carry on. I have Eric put away the equipment while I went to go get a final number. That's when all hell broke loose.

    As I'm getting my numbers I hear screaming and yelling and barking and all sorts of shit. I realize that the neighbors dog got out of her yard and was sniffing around the dogs belonging to the earlier couple who had made their way to our side of the street. The man, who is a 6'3" well built man in his mid 50s and looks to be former military is yelling at the neighbor who is a 5'3" lady in her mid 60s, he's screaming at her to get her dog away from theirs. Now the livid old lady is pissed. "Who the hell are you to tell me anything in front of my own house!" She yells. Curse words start to fly! F- you this! And White trash, that! Go F yourself ,here! And You are piece of S, there! I admit, I continue finishing my work mildly amused. "Fucking yuppies" I thought. I could see Eric just standing there watching and shaking his head.

     Then things got physical. The wife of the man didn't want the old lady's dog sniffing her dog's ass anymore.  "How dare you!"  She swings her leg and kicks the neighbors dog! The old lady Is out of her mind. "Who the hell are you to touch my dog!? I'm calling the cops!"  She yells! "Fucking white trash! You're not even from this neighborhood!"  Now, as she is trying to get her dog she gets tangled in the couples leashes. She screams that the dogs are trying to get at her, then she swings her arm and hits one of the couples dogs on the body.

   Now I'm looking like whoa, wtf is wrong with these people but before I can finish my thought, the man swings his big ass arm and it slams hard against the old ladies upper torso grazing her mouth. That's when I nearly lost my shit!

  "Hey! What the fuck is wrong with you!" I yelled as I began to walk angrily towards the man. "Get the fuck away from her!" I yelled at him. The couple were awestruck to see me now advancing towards them.

Now. At this point is where my brain begins to run.

 

"Let's beat the shit out of this man!"......dude, you're already out later than you wanted to be.......then you'll have to stay another hour for the police reports which it'll be their words against yours. You're a worker in an upper class neighborhood so that may not work out well for you. The old lady did punch the people's dog........."no excuse justifies a man that big hitting a small old lady, it's ass kicking time!".......dude, if the cops happen to get here while you're fighting this yuppie, it'll just look like a beaner assaulting an old white man to the officers and another beaner leaning by the car shaking his  head, as if to be thinking "nope, not me."  That may not end well for you either and it's not cheap to go to jail and you told your wife already you won't go to jail anymore.. .... "but we can't just let this shit happen. A man hit a woman, whether or not she instigated a physical reaction, that's inexcusable. " So what do we do, without going to jail? Use your intimidation voice and get this dude to back off. The cops are on their way anyway. Let them deal with it. That's what they get paid for and if these people go to jail, they have money to bail themselves out, you don't...... Sounds logical..... Agreed? " Agreed.”

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I yelled with a deeper and more aggressive tone. You hit an old lady!?

It was self defense. She hit my dog. He yells.

"Your lady hit her dog first stupid!" I yell back.

"Now I don't give a fuck about the dogs but once you hit her, that shit changed" I told him.

I didn't hit her. He exclaims

"I saw you hit her." I replied.

You're a liar. He threatens

"I'm a liar? I saw you and my partner saw you you smug ass bastard but that's cool, we'll just wait till the cops get here and we'll see who's lying." The man begins to walk off.

"Now you're leaving the scene of the crime" I yell as he walks away. " if you didn't do anything why are you walking so fast asshole?!" I finished.

You don't know what you saw, the wife now tries to interject. You're not even from this area. You didn't see anything!

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to lady? I'm not one of those no English speaking workers you're used to seeing. I'm not cutting your damn grass, I'm a fucking land surveyor, not landscaper and am probably smarter than most of you narcissistic, arrogant, smug assholes. What i saw is assault and leaving the scene of a crime so I'm just going to stick around here and wait for the police and point them in your direction".

I walk back to the car and let Eric know we're going to stick around for a bit till the cops get there.

"Where the hell were you during all this!?" I asked him

"NOPE!" he replies.

After a couple minutes the cops show up, take a statement and go off looking for the couple.

I tell you, I should have just gone home.