I hate that I let certain people and situations work me up so bad that I go through long bouts of writers block.
I know I'm fully capable of taking care of situations but I am also aware that I can be a very violent person when I'm taken out of my zen. I try very hard to keep calm and remind myself I have a family to take care of but I feel like "The Hulk" at times unable to Control myself after a certain point. Like Jekyll, I attempt to resist the monster from taking control.
I write to clear my head and my frustrations. Unfortunately, when I'm too worked up I am unable to think clearly. The noise in my head becomes cluttered and maddening. The voices begins to suggest. I snap at undeserving bystanders. My brow lowers and my shoulders slump. My muscles twitch and my teeth grind. My eyes turn red and my skin burns hot. All I can do sometimes is lay in bed and concentrate on my breathing. Try not to fantasize about other, more aggressive ways to silence any outside agitators. Slam my eye shut hoping that the harder I press down, the tighter my lids become- the faster my mind clears, my heart slows and my rage abates.
Face down on my pillow I lie. My hands clenched behind my head, shaking. Hoping, begging for the fires to die before I burn my world down..........and then I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder. I thank the creator for my wife, my peace. The only means of calming me down. Her touch reminds me that these demons are not mine alone to fight. Her kiss shows me that she will always be there to steady my storms. Her words convince me that I am not the man the world tries hard to make me. Even if for an hour or two, my frustrations and anger subsides and I'm able to rest.My mind and nerves still too much a mess to put pen to paper however.
Maybe tomorrow I'll try to get something on the Brayn Blog. There are lots of issues that I want to address. Till then , keep your mind open and your perceptions wide. ~B~
Don't be afraid.... That ringing you hear in your ears is just a bit of ...
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