It hurts me to see so many of my friends and family in despair so I'm going to share with you the 17 life lessons I carry with me. Maybe it'll help you out as well. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor.
1. Always turn off the main power when changing the ceiling fan. Always!
2. Dogs really go for the balls first.
3. When a cop says "say something else", he doesn't mean it.
4. You are probably just being paranoid thinking the guy walking past your car is going to rob you as soon as you get out , that feeling will only last until the second after the guy walking past your car pulls a gun on you and robs you as soon as you get out. It's only paranoia if what you think may happen, doesn't happen. Anything other is called instinct.
5. Just cause the odds of a firework skimming down the alley, through a crowd of people and into a neighbors basement where it explodes and sets the carpet on fire , is slim, doesn't mean it won't happen and people will be Pissed.
6. Nothing gets better by keeping your face in your hands.
7. One can only enjoy a movie at a theatre until their kids hand gets stuck in the cup holder.
8. Remind yourself of what you expect out of friends and rid yourself of those who do not meet your standards.
9. Yes, Arch flashes can cause temporary blindness.
10. Don't continue to argue your point to your spouse, especially if you're right. She knows where you sleep.
11. Everyone has an opinion and it'll usually be opposite of yours and that's okay. People's opinions are theirs, wrong or right is perceptive. One should entertain others opinions but do not have to accept them.
12. Do not get stoned before doing electrical work. (See 1 and 9)
13. Check your rear view mirrors before taking an illegal U Turn across train tracks.
14. Just when you decide to relax for a minute and enjoy your situation, you get stung on the eye by a wasp. Do not get comfortable with calm moments, you may just be standing under a giant wasp nest. Keep it moving.
15. People would rather look at your past than look at your present. Those people don't matter.
16. Stun guns leave welts on your body.
17. Though faith is good, praying to God to make your life better won't make your life better, you have to get your ass up, get your ass moving and make the changes yourself. Life is whatever you make it. So make it good.