I’ve been married for almost 16 years now to the same woman and I think once one has gotten to this point of marriage they start wondering if they have been married this long because of true love, or because one or the other has felt the fear of what breaking a marriage agreement may mean. Full disclosure. I am speaking in general and not personal. I am more in love with my wife now than at any other point of our nuptial.
To many people, Marriage is supposed to be an eternal bond that shows a certain level of commitment to each other. They are willing to “put in writing” in the eyes of their God, or a binding contract with their governing state, that they are destined to be with each other forever. There is a definite sentiment with this commitment, I agree but in this day in age, Marriage is not, in any way, permanent, even though it is also not an easy task to break from.
Marriage through the state is a commitment that brings with it many incentives, mostly tax incentives. The hope that they will be together forever has become somewhat of a pipe dream though when one acknowledges the odds against that, Currently sitting at 30%, Which isn’t bad and is dropping significantly when compared to the years prior , mostly attributed to fewer people getting married.
Divorce brings with it inequivalent turmoil though.
The national average cost of a divorce is about $15,000 per person, including attorney's fees, court costs, and the cost of hiring outside experts such as a real estate appraiser, tax adviser, or child custody evaluator.
This Process can take anywhere from a couple months to a couple years to finalize, especially when taking into consideration the welfare and care of children and the split of acquired assets, and not to mention the emotional havoc one must go through. Divorce is a very scary thing to many people. It’s a financial ruin to most, and devastatingly and lastingly damaging to children.
If one is religious, then one not only makes a pact with each other, but also to their God that their souls will be tied in union, until they both die. “ What God has brought together, let no one break apart” That commitment for true believers is a sacred one and one that, if broken, can be met by being ostracized from their Church, or, in some cases, eternal damnation…...That sounds way worse than being bankrupted, in my opinion, but if one is serious enough, they can go through the long process of getting an annulment through their church.
The point of all of this is that it is very difficult in most cases to get divorced and could place serious financial, emotional, and even spiritual burdens on you. I can understand how “ fear of divorce” can encourage some to stay in a marriage, even, a marriage that has lost its flame.
As I was saying at the beginning, After one has been married a very long time, I am sure the question of “ Are we together because we are still very much in love, or because the cost of divorce is too high” has crossed the mind of many couples. This is something that I envy in couples who have stayed together for a long period of time, without ever having tied the knot. The fear of the consequence or hassle of Divorce was never presented, therefore never a valid reason to stay together. One can be assured that their pairing was true. That they have stayed together, not from the threat of financial ruin or eternal damnation, but because the bond they formed was one of admiration and inspiration; of love.
I remember a time where staying together but never marrying was taboo. These people were looked at as being somewhat misguided. “Why wouldn’t they want to enter the sacred bonds of matrimony?” I used to be one of those people, but as I grew older and have witnessed friends and family whose relationships have stood the test of time without the binds of marriage, I can now find some real beauty in that. I think that those in these relationships can rest assured that they are together because they want to be, no questions asked.
Now, I’m not looking down or knocking marriage. As I have stated, I have been married for almost 16 years and I am more in love with my wife now than at any other point in our union. Does she feel the same? Well, I hope so but I guess there’s a way to know for sure without the hassle of asking her and trusting her answer. We can get divorced and see if we stay together afterwards…… I’m sure she’ll just love that idea!
Happy Valentines Day, Babe!
Don't be Afraid.
That ringing you hear in your ears
is just a bit of