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Shut up Brain, The Movie Started

Everybody loves a good Movie. I myself am a big fan of action movies. The less CGI the better so I tend to stick to 90 and 80s action flicks. Most of the action movies I saw in my teenage years I still love to watch repeatedly now in adulthood, however I seem to be coming across a more frequent problem. Story lines and sequences that made sense to me when I was younger, doesn't seem to make sense to me now.

I feel like Sheldon in the “Big Bang Theory, who is played by Jim Parsons, when his girlfriend Amy Farrah Fowler, played by Mayim Bialik ruins the movie “Indiana Jones Raiders of the lost Ark by pointing out Indiana's irrelevancy in the movie.

“Indiana Jones plays no role in the outcome of the story. If he weren’t in the film, it would turn out exactly the same… If he weren’t in the movie, the Nazis would still have found the Arks, taken it to the island, opened it up, and all died, just like they did.”

I hate when it happens to me and it seems to be getting worse.

My latest episode came earlier today. Cinemax has been running the movie “The Rock” lately and naturally, I’ve been watching it. I love that movie. Why wouldn’t any man?!

Jaded ex military heros steal chemical weapons rockets and holds hostages in Alcatraz prison. The perfect place for a terrorist stronghold! Threatening to release the chemicals via rockets into San Diego unless the government pays a ransom and compensation to the families of fallen and forgotten comrades, the government is left with no other choice but attempt a siege on “The Rock”. They recruit Stanley Goodspeed, A chemical weapon specialist played by Nicholas Cage but there’s a problem. How do they sneak onto an island that was meant to be impenetrable and unescapable? Enter the dark hero! The only man who ever escaped imprisonment from Alcatraz! John Mason, played by Sean Connery , has been locked away for 33 years and now they need his help to break back into the island.

Damn this movie is awesome!!! Well, at least until the climactic end. I won’t be able to enjoy the final ten minutes of the movie anymore.

Let me walk you through this.

The mission is to sneak onto the island having the only prisoner to ever escape be the lead. The incursion team is to deactivate the rockets,

preventing the terrorists from launching the chemicals into the city and signalling their success by igniting green smoke flares. If they were to fail, the military would drop a shit ton of bombs on the island, neutralizing the threat but also killing all the hostages…... simple enough though, right? Problem one. The seal team gets lured into an ambush and killed only leaving Goodspeed and Mason to complete the mission.

The pair of heros need to find the rockets, remove the guidance chips that would allow the rockets to reach their destination, then signal the FBI by igniting the green flares, all while avoiding releasing this chemical and causing a slow and agonising death. After finding the first couple rockets and removing the chips, they are met with scrimmages and temporary confinement. After they escape however, they walk into an mutiny against the hired mercenaries and the Jaded ex General who’s bluff was called by the government. Unwilling to be responsible for the murder of thousands of civilians, the general aborts his plans. That does not sit well with the mercs. After the General gets shot in a firefight, Goodspeed extracts the location of the final rocket.

He rushes to the lighthouse and withdraws the guidance chip from the rocket. He was met by “Candyman” and they exchanged words.

After Cage noticed that the villain had stepped in front of the last rocket, he delivered an awesome typical action movie phrase

and fired the last rocket on the merc sending him flying out of the window and impaling him on a random pole. See you later Candyman!


Why the hell did Goodspeed continue to attempt to remove the guidance chip from the Chemical Weapon!?

He just sent the last rocket flying into Candyman! What do you think the terrorists were going to do now, throw the fucking chemical across the bay? This was the perfect time to ignite the green fucking flare and send in the calvary!

The threat of millions of victims was now gone. The only threat was for the safety of the hostages but let's face it, There were only like 3 terrorists left, the 2 that Connery took care of and this psychotic looking dude.

The military would have taken care of these guys easily and Cage wouldn't have had to worry about the entire fucking island being blown to hell.

This isn’t what happened though. Let’s see what Stanley would have avoided.

He wouldn’t have gotten his ass royally kicked. Would'nt have had to use the chemical weapon that he described as

“One of those things we wish we could dis invent”

He wouldn’t have been exposed to the chemical and shove a giant fucking needle filled with antidote into his heart

and wouldn’t have had to narrowly escaped getting blown to shit by the bombs that were sent to destroy the island.

i’ve seen this movie hundreds of times but it was today that this caught my attention and I hate the world for it right now. I hope most of you guys reading this already discovered the failed logic for yourselves and I did not ruin this movie for you. I only hope that I continue to enjoy my favorite old action movies without my damn brain getting in the way. If indeed you came across the article without prior realization to the flaws I explained…….now you can keep me company in my disappointment.

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